11 Weeks to XVI

Welcome to Week 11 of the 16 Weeks to XVI tour! This week I’m hosting Julia Karr as she counts down the weeks to the launch of her wonderful book, XIV, on January 6, 2011.   Julia is a fellow Leaguer, Elevensie, and 2K11-er.  In the future world of XVI, girls are required to register at 16 as available for sex. It’s a measure, which on the surface is supposed to protect girls, but in reality does just the opposite.  Today Julia and I are going to talk about a particular part of her book, a little something call XVI Ways.  And at the end, Julia will tell you how to enter to win this week’s prize.

Welcome, Julia!  In XVI, the girls as young as 11 or 12 start watching a zine called XVI Ways. Can you tell us a little about the zine?

Like most zines, XVI Ways is promoting a certain kind of lifestyle to girls. Because of the society in XVI, XVI Ways is full of tips on how girls can attract guys: what to wear, how to act, hair styles, how to flirt, be suggestive, etc. It even comes with how-to vids – to demonstrate just how to flip your hair or bat your eyelashes to turn heads. In other words, how to become a sex-teen, like society expects them to be.

What was your inspiration for the zine?

The zine is a lot like what Seventeen magazine was when I was a teen. Every girl I knew wanted to dress like the models in Seventeen. A little aside – I loved Seventeen magazine! But, when I moved from Seymour to Chicago, who I was and what I wanted to be like changed a whole lot. My skirts went from knee-length to being threatened daily with being sent home from school for wearing mini’s that were too short. I eventually developed my own tastes and stuck to them, even though they were a lot more avant gardé than most of my friends. (I’ve always been kind of a quiet rebel!)

How do you think today’s so-called teen (and women’s) magazines compare to XVI Ways?

I’d love to say that mainstream magazines promote individualism in females, but, for the most part, I don’t see that. At a time when the internet has opened up the world for so many people, I am amazed that “be like everyone else” still seems to be the norm. There are, of course, exceptions to this – however, one needs to remember that media is always trying to sell something. Tweens and teens don’t always recognize that (okay, hardly ever) and are at such an impressionable age – and an age where fitting in is mostly preferable to sticking out – that media takes advantage of that.

Do you have any tips for building self esteem in teenage girls?

Definitely. Eleven of them, as a matter of fact!

First, let me add – I consider myself very lucky that my grandmother (who raised me) and my mother (whom I adored) were adamant that my sister and I should never become “sheep.” (I think the current slang of ‘sheeple’ is great, btw!) I was always encouraged to be an individual and – even though it didn’t always make me the most popular girl – I tried (for the most part) to be true to my beliefs. Which is pretty damned hard when you’re a teen trying to get along in school & the world. (More on this at another time!)

Now, on to the eleven tips! (Note: I am not a psychologist*, these are just some things that make sense to me.)

1. Talk nice to yourself. (In other words, no “I’m so stupid, clumsy, dull, ugly, etc. These are not ways to be nice to yourself! And, chances are really good you would say those things to someone else, so do not say them to yourself!)
2. Talk nice to others. (People who badmouth other people are usually hiding some of the lowest self-esteem.) It never, ever, hurts to be kind. As J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan , said, “Always be a little kinder than necessary.” When you are kind to others, you feel good about yourself.
3. Accept yourself – body, face, hair – all of you. If there are things you don’t like, that you can change – like hairstyle, or strengthening your body, or eating healthier – then do it. Otherwise, don’t stress that there are parts of you you wish were different. Everyone – and I do mean EVERYONE – has things about their appearance that they don’t like. Heck – look at the glam movie stars who change even their own accepted beauty by tweaking a nose, tucking a chin or plumping lips to go along with the latest fashion. Uh… no. Do not go there. Fashion always changes – you can never catch it and hold on to it!
4. Remember that you are only human – as are all the rest of us! There is no “perfect.” There is only individual. People who know me well know that I loved Mr. Rogers. Loved. Him. And, I loved hearing him say, “You make each day a special day, by just your being you.” It’s the truth!
5. Every day when you wake up, give thanks for being alive and having a fresh new day in which to live.
6. Every night, before you go to sleep. Write down three things you were grateful for during the day. It can be as small as the sun feeling good on your face, or as big as acing a major test. But, notice that there are good things happening to you every day.
7. Do something nice for someone. Shovel snow or mow grass for an older neighbor. Befriend the new kid in school. Volunteer to do homework help for younger kids at your library or school. You have special talents, they may seem mundane sometimes, but to the person you are helping, they see a knight in shining armor – not just a teen.
8. Smile! You never know when someone on the other end of that smile needed it! Besides, there is nothing in entire world more attractive than a smiling face. Honest.
9. Learn something new. Take a class at the local art center, do research on something completely foreign to you, take up knitting or wood-working or pottery. Learn something that is not in your school curriculum. Start exploring what fascinates you!
10. Have fun with friends and family who love you. It’s always uplifting to be with people who like you for who you are. (remember Mr. Rogers!)
11. Exercise! Bodies were made to move and be used. And, exercising your body – either by dancing, running, sports, aerobics, crunches (okay, maybe not crunches! *grin*), walking, swimming – whatever your choice – helps you to feel accomplished and keeps your body feeling good – which, in turn, helps you feel good.

There are lots of ways to build positive self-esteem and these are just a few.

Angie,  thanks so much for having me on your blog on the way to the release of XVI! It’s been so much fun! Reminder on the contest – leave a comment below to be eligible to win this week’s prize — a copy of Teen Esteem: A Self-Direction Manual for Young Adults.   OR, YOU CAN WIN AN ARC OF XVI SIGNED BY JULIA! This week’s contest is open until next Thursday at midnight! And, even if you don’t win this week’s contest, you’ll be eligible for the GRAND PRIZE drawing on Week 1!

*If you’re having trouble with self-esteem and feel depressed, talk with your parents, a counselor, a trusted adult or a therapist. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can call YAH! Youth America Hotline at 1-877-968-8454 or visit them online at http://www.youthline.us/factsheets/index.htm. It’s okay to need help and you don’t have to suffer alone. There are lots of caring people in the world. *hugs*

Thanks, Julia!